Saturday Night Fever was my first R-rated movie. I was 12. I bought a ticket and walked right in past the ticket-takers and among the ushers with 12 year old girlfriends on a Sunday afternoon at my local movie theater, which, in 1977 was simply that, a movie theater, not a mega-plex. Popcorn was sold in boxes, not bushels. Before that day, John Travolta was simply Vinnie Barbarino and The Boy in a Plastic Bubble.
It’s an understatement to say that times have changed.
Almost thirty years after Night Fever (cough, choke), I would just as soon drop my 14 year old son off at an R-rated movie as I would hand him the keys to the car and my American Express. It’s just not time yet. But he doesn’t want to watch claymation, animation or animal tales. He doesn’t want sweet or sentimental. He goes for action or horror or adventure or toilet humor, which is all completely appropriate considering he’s almost 15.
Why wouldn’t kids start seeing R-rated movies before age 17? Fact is, many kids today start seeing PG-13 movies well before age 13. My son was around 11 when G and PG movies were just not amusing or entertaining. That was just about the time I was ready to drop talking candlestick flicks for something a little more upbeat. At that time he was still seeing movies with me, so they were reviewed and monitored for content. As the younger sibling, my daughter started seeing PG-13 movies around age 9. And while those weren’t always my most stellar parenting decisions (i.e. do not see Must Love Dogs with your preteen, because it is NOT appropriate, while similarly rated The Perfect Man is absolutely fine), it has not adversely affected the world as we know it or even her developing psyche or sense of self.
Actually sometimes I think it’s good for kids to be well-aware that they’re the victims of an error in parental judgment. After all, it gives us leverage for not making the same mistake again, and for the right to cover their eyes on occasion, or hope that their popcorn and gummy worms are as interesting to look at as they are tasty.
How do we know where to draw the lines when what’s acceptable for PG or PG-13, or even R, keeps changing? Is it ok for a 14 year old to watch people get blown to pieces but not someone’s naked backside or some intentional boobage?
And is there a difference between MTV shows, many of which I do allow him to watch, and R rated movies? Is there a difference between R-rated sex and R-rated violence? How about what he can find when he outmaneuvers my parent controls on the tv when I’m not around. Do I just succomb to pressure and allow him to see an R-rated movie in a theater? If I don’t, am I a hypocrite? And who decides? Absolutely not, and…ME! It’s the privilege of being a parent – I’m judge and jury in a court of one handing down sentences and changing my mind, when appropriate or when I feel like it.
But is it unrealistic to think that the time isn’t right now when I’m still around monitoring what I can while gently shoving him in the right direction and screaming my opinions through the crack under the closed bedroom door?
I guess I’ll just keep making these decisions on a case by case basis. Precedents matter not, but I suffered no negative effects by seeing Saturday night Fever at age 12. I didn’t want to become a dancer or wear platform shoes or have sex in the back of a car (at least until I was older) and I still know every word to Stayin’ Alive.
Oh yeah. I suppose that part about “no negative effectives” is completely subjective.
This post is also up over at The Imperfect Blog.
December 4th, 2006Oh, I hear ya. Today’s media is a minefield I am trying to tiptoe through without blowing us up. I’ve made a few errors myself (but you’re right, we’ve survived). And it is hard to find things for my older son to watch because like yours, he is largely uninterested in the kinds of things deemed “appropriate” for him by the motion picture industry.
My first R rated movie was Purple Rain and I think I was about 14. It was easy to get in because it was showing at a multi-plex type place. We bought tickets for one movie, and just went to Purple Rain instead. My mother would have died if she knew about the sex scenes in that movie!
December 4th, 2006A minefield is a good description. Things have sure changed. We let our kids watch Ghostbusters for Halloween and boy was I surprised when we came upon a scene that had to do with a man’s zipper and a bed. Not to mention the sacrifical love scene at the top of the sky scraper. I don’t remember this from when I was a kid! And I thought the show was surely PG. We skipped ahead and the kids didn’t seem to understand why, so I guess we are safe. But it’s frustrating these days. It’s hard to know some times.
December 4th, 2006It is really hard to know. I say that you should view the movie first (or at least know the story line) and then decide if it is worthy for the son to view. Some of these ratings do not make sense.
You’re the “Mom” so in the end you get to decide.
I know I’ve had a few “judgement lapses” back in the day and my 3 turned out fine.
Good Luck with that one.
December 4th, 2006I have several years before I have to worry about the R rating but this topic still has touched my family. We invited a friend over to our house to watch Wedding Crashers and one other movie I knew wasn’t appropriate to watch in front of a 2 year old (not that he’d be scarred or anything, but I don’t want him picking up bad language from TV). When I told my husband that I would take Gabe upstairs when they started the movies, you’d think I’d insulted him personally. His reasoning was that Gabe was still too small to get any of the inappropriateness and my reasoning was he didn’t have to get it to repeat four letter words. We compromised. We all watched together until I got uncomfortable. Then I took the child upstairs.
It’s sort of difficult to ever know where that line is. I’ve learned a little bit now to trust what feels right to me and react accordingly. I consider it practice for the pre-teen years.
December 4th, 2006Oh, that brought back memories for me! Saturday Night Fever Was my first R movie too! I remember that my dad leaned over to me and told me that the girl was holding rubbers in her hand. The only problem was that I didn’t know what rubbers were! HA!
December 4th, 2006I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, actually. Maya is almost 11, and we’ll take her to some PG-13 movies, depending on why. (Saw “For Your Consideration” yesterday…the F word, once. OK with me.) But for some reason, when she asked me if she could have “The Sims” for the xbox, I was hesitant. Because they have sex and can get pregnant. They don’t SHOW them having sex, you don’t HEAR it, my brother and my good friend assure me it’s ok for an almost 11 year old. But I balked. Then I looked at the other video games we DO let her play…Star Wars, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, etc. Lots of shooting and blowing up. So what’s that say? It’s OK to blow things up (Unnatural act) but it’s NOT OK to have sex (natural act)? Hmmmm. I mean, I don’t condone early sexuality, but come on, I think I need to rethink this one. So….she may be getting the Sims under the tree in a few weeks. Maybe.
December 5th, 2006I’ve got a long time before I have to worry about this. We’re still wondering when it’s appropriate to take a daughter to her first movie.
(I’m thinking after she turns 2.)
But I can see where you’re coming from. My first R-rated movies came very early because I had parents who liked to get together with family at the drive-in. There would be a kids movie first and then a PG or R movie after. I still remember my first naked butt - in An Officer and a Gentleman! I think I was 10.
December 5th, 2006I snuck into The Excorcist when I was 13 and it has messed me up FOREVER. There is not enough therapy..
Laughed out loud at you shouting your opinions under the closed door. So funny, could practically see his eyes rolling.
December 20th, 2006I’m not looking forward to the movie rating minefield for our son. He’s 2 and he’s only seen one movie in the theaters, it was Cars. It didn’t hold his interest for long so we haven’t tried again in a while.